Tag Archive: lotro


A thrilling new series coming to a LOTRO server near you: Desperate Entwives! In the seemingly respectable Fairwood Lane neighbourhood of the Falathlorn homesteads, it quickly becomes apparent that “Every tree has a little dirty rootstalk”…

(600kb image, click to open)

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LOTRO: The Ganking of Boromir

An MMO-inspired take on Boromir‘s Last Stand, seen from the other side. Inspired mainly by my recent discovery of the PvP area of Lord of the Rings Online, its social customs, its sometimes peculiar spelling pratices, and its calm, reasonable debates over fair fighting or class balance. Originally posted under my hobbit guise on the european LOTRO forums.

History is always written by the winners. Thankfully, some recently found manuscripts provide some fascinating insights into one of the major events of the late Third Age:

[OOC] Ugluk: raid open
*Grobag has joined Ugluk’s raid*
*Grobadash has joined Ugluk’s raid*
*Lugdroz has joined Ugluk’s raid*
*Freepsrlamez has joined Ugluk’s raid*
*Sauron34 has joined Ugluk’s raid*
*Igbash has joined Ugluk’s raid*
*Doombog has joined Ugluk’s raid*
*Logdoom has joined Ugluk’s raid*
*Bonezai has joined Ugluk’s raid*
*Iluvbeanz has joined Ugluk’s raid*
*Bobafett has joined Ugluk’s raid*
*Nerfgandalf has joined Ugluk’s raid*
*Igromog has joined Ugluk’s raid*
*Gothpug has joined Ugluk’s raid*
*Patrickhernandez has joined Ugluk’s raid*
*Morgothismyhomeboy has joined Ugluk’s raid*
*Sauron35 has joined Ugluk’s raid*
*Killbash has joined Ugluk’s raid*
*Killmurgh has joined Ugluk’s raid*
*Killzorg has joined Ugluk’s raid*
*Gankninja has joined Ugluk’s raid*
*Gollum has joined Ugluk’s raid*
*Notmeimavegan has joined Ugluk’s raid*

[Raid] Killbash: sUp
[Raid] Sauron34: sUp
[Raid] Bobafett: hi
[Raid] Sauron35: lol
[Raid] Logdoom: wut r we doing?
[Raid] Ugluk: capture 2 hobbits lol
[Raid] Gankninja: 2? we have support raid?
[Raid] Grobag: lol, we dun’t need support they only 2
[Raid] Ugluk: i lead
[Raid] Ugluk: i’m ur support raid
[Raid] Nerfgandalf: hobbits are OP
[Raid] Freepsrlamez: hobbits are lamez, lol
[Raid] Bobafett: lol
[Raid] Sauron35: lol
[Raid] Morgothismyhomeboy: lol, so true
[Raid] Sauron34: lol
*Iluvbeanz is eating a bit*
[Raid] Gankninja: we have wp?
[Raid] Ugluk: ffs, we don’t need support!
[Raid] Gothpug: lol
[Raid] Gollum: MY PRECIOUS
[Raid] Ugluk: oh ffs not again
[Raid] Sauron35: kick him?
[Raid] Doombog: yeah
[Raid] Freepsrlamez: he’s a freep switcher too. that’s so lamez
[Raid] Bobafett: yeah smagol or sumthin
[Raid] Bobafett: he gives info on vent to freeps
*Gollum has been dismissed from Ugluk’s raid*
[Raid] Ugluk: no switcher in my raid, lol
[Raid] Bobafett: lol
[Raid] Sauron34: lol
[Raid] Morgothismyhomeboy: lol
*Iluvbeanz is eating a bit*
*Iluvbeanz is eating a bit*
*Iluvbeanz is eating a bit*

[Raid] Ugluk: need more time Iluvbeanz or we can start raid? lol
[Raid] Bobafett: rofl
[Raid] Sauron35: lololol
[Raid] Iluvbeanz: lol no ok
*Leader shouts: EVERYONE MAP TO FALLS OF RAUROS*
[Raid] Ugluk: ok, someone track for hobbits
[Raid] Gankninja: we hav no warg
[Raid] Gothpug: lolz
[Raid] Bonezai: oO
[Raid] Igromog: ffs guys…
*Ugluk starts to cry*
[Raid] Morgothismyhomeboy: hobbits r half men
[Raid] Ugluk: ?
[Raid] Grobag: ???
[Raid] Morgothismyhomeboy: two hobbits = two half men = one man
[Raid] Morgothismyhomeboy: track man
[Raid] Morgothismyhomeboy: if u see one it means 2 hobbits
[Raid] Bobafett: ??????????
[Raid] Ugluk: u sure?
[Raid] Morgothismyhomeboy: yea been working for months
[Raid] Sauron35: exploit, lol
[Raid] Bobafett: lol
[Raid] Ugluk: ok one WL track men then
*Iluvbeanz is eating a bit*
[Raid] Ugluk: guys?
*Iluvbeanz is eating a bit*
*Sauron35 mocks Sauron34*
*Patrickhernandez starts dancing*

[Raid] Ugluk: ffs guys track?
[Raid] Grobadash: u only wl Ug
[Raid] Grobadash: we all reavers
*Bobafett agrees with Grobadash*
[Raid] Ugluk: haha, true, lol
*Ugluk thanks Grobadash for his help*
[Raid] Ugluk: Ok tracking
*Ugluk sniffs the air*
*Iluvbeanz hits Ugluk with Stink Bomb for 389 poison damage*
*Iluvbeanz hits Sauron35 with Stink Bomb for 389 poison damage*
*Iluvbeanz hits Bobafett with Stink Bomb for 389 poison damage*
*Iluvbeanz hits Grobag with Stink Bomb for 389 poison damage*
*Iluvbeanz hits Morgothismyhomeboy with Stink Bomb for 389 poison damage*
*Iluvbeanz hits Igromog with Stink Bomb for 389 poison damage*
*Iluvbeanz hits Nerfgandalf with Stink Bomb for 389 poison damage*
*Iluvbeanz hits Gankninja with Stink Bomb for 389 poison damage*
*Iluvbeanz hits Bonezai with Stink Bomb for 389 poison damage*

[Raid] Gankninja: wtf???
[Raid] Bonezai: lol
[Raid] Grobag: hehe
[Raid] Nerfgandalf: poison effects are OP
[Raid] Ugluk: beanz u lamezor!??!!
[Raid] Ugluk: broke my track
*Bobafett grasps for air*
*Igromog faints*
*Ugluk slaps Iluvbeanz*
*Gankninja shakes his fist threateningly to Iluvbeanz*
*Iluvbeanz apologises profusely to Ugluk*

[Raid] Iluvbeanz: sry guys
[Raid] Iluvbeanz: misclick
[Raid] Ugluk: ok track back
*Ugluk sniffs the air*
[Raid] Ugluk: hehe, ur trick works Morg, got one man on track!
[Raid] Morgothismyhomeboy: told u
*Leader shouts: EVERYONE FOLLOW SKULL*
*Patrickhernandez starts singing*

[Raid] Gankninja: ffs don’t make noise!
[Raid] Gankninja: or they gank us
[Raid] Gothpug: true
[Raid] Ugluk: yea
[Raid] Gankninja: they at least 2
*Ugluk frowns at Patrickhernandez*
*Patrickhernandez stops singing*
*Patrickhernandez starts humming*
*Ugluk pulls out [Great Spiked Club of Philosophical Debate]*
*Patrickhernandez stops humming*
*Ugluk nods to Patrickhernandez*
*Patrickhernandez sighs*
*Ugluk puts down [Great Spiked Club of Philosophical Debate]*

[Raid] Ugluk: ok we there now. on my call we jump them behind the hill
[Raid] Ugluk: lost track but they not far
[Raid] Sauron35: k
[Raid] Grobag: ok
[Raid] Bobafett: sure
[Raid] Gankninja: i’ll stay back for if they sneak to gank us
[Raid] Ugluk: ffs no, all charge
[Raid] Gankninja: …
[Raid] Ugluk: ok 3…
[Raid] Ugluk: 2…
[Raid] Ugluk: 1…
*Leader shouts: CHAAAARGEE!*
*Merry screams*
*Pippin shouts for help*

[Raid] Ugluk: lol 2 easy
[Raid] Grobag: lol
[Raid] Bonezai: aye
[Raid] Ugluk: ok let me check map now
*Boromir sees his friends in need*
*Boromir rearranges his hair*
*Boromir charges*

*Boromir hits Morgothismyhomeboy for 18373594e42 points of Westernesse damage*
*Boromir defeats Morgothismyhomeboy*

[Raid] Gankninja: WTF!!!
[Raid] Sauron34: they’re 3!
[Raid] Morgothismyhomeboy: ffs
[Raid] Gankninja: we been ganked
*Boromir defeats Grobadash*
*Boromir defeats Logdoom*
*Boromir defeats Bonezai*
*Boromir defeats Sauron35*
*Boromir defeats Sauron34*

[Raid] Ugluk: ffs! foolow rat!!! all on champion!
[Raid] Gothpug: i’m stun
[Raid] Logdoom: i’m dead
[Raid] Iluvbeanz: i’m sick
*Boromir defeats Gothpug*
*Boromir defeats Igromog*
*Boromir defeats Notmeimavegan*
*Boromir defeats Lugdroz*

[Raid] Nerfgandalf: chimps are OP
[Raid] Ugluk: comon! he’s almost down!
*Boromir uses Horn of Gondor for 9867231e51 points of Westernesse damage*
*Boromir defeats Killzorg*
*Boromir defeats Igbash*
*Boromir defeats Nerfgandalf*
*Boromir defeats Killmurgh*

*Patrickhernandez starts dancing*
[Raid] Nerfgandalf: champion’s horn is OP
[Raid] Ugluk: on rat ffs!
*Ugluk defeats Boromir*
[Raid] Ugluk: YES!!!!!
[Raid] Gankninja: lol
[Raid] Bobafett: YAY
[Raid] Grobag: hahahaha TAKE THAT CHIMP!
[Raid] Freepsrlamez: lol chimps r so lame
[Raid] Ugluk: gratz everyone still alive
[Raid] Patrickhernandez: i woz born to be
[Raid] Bobafett: lol
[Raid] Killzorg: lol
[Raid] Gankninja: hahaha Boromir QQ on forum
[Raid] Ugluk: lol
[Raid] Gankninja: sneaks on us and now he sez we ganked him?!!
[Raid] Bobafett: lame
[Raid] Freepsrlamez: lol yeah, freeps are lame like that
[Raid] Ugluk: let’s entertain him then
[Raid] Grobag: lol yeah!
*Patrickhernandez starts dancing with Boromir*
*Ugluk scolds Boromir*
*Grobag begins smoking with Boromir*
*Gankninja performs a handstand for Boromir*
*Bobafett cheers Boromir*
*Freepsrlamez highfives Boromir*
*Killzorg mocks Boromir*

[Raid] Gankninja: lol, now he sez we r corpsejump scum
[Raid] Bobafett: lol
[Raid] Gankninja: sez nothing to b proud of at 23v1
[Raid] Ugluk: ya
[Raid] Ugluk: but he’s DEAD
[Raid] Ugluk: not us
[Raid] Ugluk: lol
[Raid] Grobag: lol
*Ugluk gestures rudely to Boromir*
*Iluvbeanz has a bit to eat with Boromir*
*Gankninja flirts with Boromir*
*Killzorg waves to Boromir*
*Boromir succumbs to his wounds*

[Raid] Gankninja: Boromir says “u n00bz, u got the wrong hobbits 2, LOLOLOL”
[Raid] Ugluk: hahaha
[Raid] Bobafett: lol
[Raid] Freepsrlamez: tell him hes lame 2 lie
[Raid] Ugluk: tell him we n00bz but he’s DEAD
[Raid] Grobag: hahaha
[Raid] Gankninja: lol ok
[Raid] Ugluk: ok guys run 2 camp now, map still on CD…
[Raid] Ugluk: and saruman’s on vent, sayz we shoud hurry
[Raid] Bobafett: k
[Raid] Grobag: sure
*Leader shouts: WE’RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD*
[Raid] Bobafett: gard… gard…
[Raid] Gankninja: lol
[Raid] Ugluk: 🙂
*Patrickhernandez begins to dance*
*Iluvbeanz puts [Horn of Gondor] where Anor doesn’t shine*

[Raid] Ugluk: oh ffs
[Raid] Ugluk: that’s it
*Iluvbeanz has been dismissed from Ugluk’s raid*
[Raid] Grobag: deserved
[Raid] Ugluk: can’t stand childish behaviour
[Raid] Bobafett: yea gj
[Raid] Gankninja: lol yea, good riddance
[Raid] Freepsrlamez: yeah kids r so lame


Lord Of The Rings Online (LOTRO from here) is a middle-earth massive multiplayer role playing game (MMORPG). As most games of the genre, it includes various kinds of crafting as in-game activities. Considering the hobbits love for all things edible, it’s no surprise cooking is one of the available crafts. One consequence of this is that as i play, cook and eat in virtual middle-earth, i soon enough find myself craving some of the virtual meals my hobbit prepared.

Thus, every now and then, my cooking is directly inspired by LOTRO, which has several perks:
– it satisfies my craving.
– it has me learning a new recipe every now and then.
– being ‘middle-earth food’, it gains additional credit with the kids.

The Chicken and Barley soup recipe below is thus one of those things i owe to Tolkien. With a few exceptions, i’ve never been much into soups, but this one happened to catch my attention as weather was gradually shifting towards winter. It’s trivial to make and goes down a treat on a cold evening. In game, it provides a bonus to fear resistance. After eating it in the real world i wasn’t scared, so it works.

In game, to craft a Chicken Barley soup , you will need:

  • green onions
  • a bundle of winter barley
  • some chicken stock
  • optionally, a sprig of parsley

In my adaptation, i went for a large yellow onion rather than scallions, seasoned with thyme rather than parsley, and added a few carrots i had left.

For about 6 servings (less if hobbits involved)

Ingredients:
– chicken stock (enough to fill about 2/3 of the pot)
– 3 fresh chicken fillets
– 2 or 3 carrots
– 1 large onion
– 1 cup of pearled barley
– thyme

Dice the chicken and the carrots. Slice the onion into long thin pieces, and fry them in some butter until they turn golden brown. Throw in the chicken and carrots, season with the thyme, and continue to fry for about a minute, stirring occasionally. Pour the chicken stock, and add the barley. Bring to the boil and maintain it for about 10 minutes. Salt to convenience. Finally, cover and let simmer on low heat for about 45 minutes. Enjoy.

Note that middle-earth probably doesn’t have instant chicken stock in cubes. For increased authenticity, prepare this soup on the day after eating a roast chicken, and make your stock from the bones and leftovers. Simply remove the remaining skin and fat bits, and break up the bones in a pot. Fill with cold water, bring to the boil, then simmer for at least an hour. Remove the bones, strain the stock, and you’re done.